Turning things down has never been my thing. Saying “Yes” has just always seemed more appealing. It’s largely why my college roommates nicknamed me the “Yes Man.” It’s also why my Pop Pop jokingly changed my name from “Kevin” to “Kave-in.” But this weekend, I learned how to put my foot down. I finally discovered how to say “No.” And while it wasn’t easy, I’m glad I did.
To set the scene, my friends rent an Air B&B in State College for a Penn State football weekend every year. During the weekend, we relive our glory days with big tailgates, our favorite college bars, and hopefully a solid win. After Jordan and I missed out on the past two years because of our honeymoon in 2017 and the close proximity to Charlie’s due date in 2018, I was determined to make the trip this year.
So when my buddy Chris, who organizes the event, reached out in February asking whether we were joining the Penn State trip, Jordan and I gave conflicting answers. As she texted Chris “You should probably count us out at this point,” I simultaneously responded “Definitely in! Can’t wait!” I planned on going no matter what.
Sure, the Indiana game in mid-November could be too cold for a 1 year old, but we’d figure something out with a hat, mittens, and her new Nittany Lion costume. And sure, the group’s plan to “hit the bars” following the tailgate didn’t bode well for a toddler without a fake id, but we’d make it work. And sure, 3 hour car trips become much longer when your passenger doesn’t like being in a car seat for more than 3 minutes, but we would be patient and make a memory of it. Despite conventional wisdom suggesting my plan was flawed, I finally convinced Jordan to go by suggesting that the trip would be my birthday present.
Nevertheless, when Jordan and I woke up the morning before the trip with sore throats and achey muscles, we had a problem. We figured the soreness would go away with some Tylenol. And it did. Temporarily. But then that afternoon it felt like we had all been hit by Uncle Joe’s RV. Before we knew it, there were 3 Janiecs with 3 fevers. So with a heavy heart and an elevated temperature, I notified my friends that we had to bail from the trip just hours before we were supposed to leave.
To be clear, 3 common colds wouldn’t have stopped us. And being completely honest, if Charlie and Jordan were the only sick ones, I may have pointed them to the Chicken Noodle Soup and hightailed it by myself to Happy Valley. But with three fevers, I had to say no.
From the pictures, videos, and conversations with the crew, the Penn State weekend looked like a great time with great people in a great place. At some points in the weekend my FOMO hurt worse than the actual muscle aches and sore throat. But in the end, I’m happy with our decision.
Because we said “No,” Jordan, Charlie, and I got to hit the reset button, got some much needed rest, and enjoyed quality time with each other at home. We were bored, but also content and warm and relaxed. And when we woke up on Sunday, we felt much better than we did on Friday, which is something I could never accomplish in all of my years at Penn State. We left the weekend with a clean house, clean inbox, and clean bill of health.
I also realized the importance of learning how to to say “no.” It’s a powerful word. While “yes” creates opportunity, “no” creates space. While yes makes us busy, no keeps us focused on what really matters. Yes causes stress and no requires patience. A healthy balance of the two is the key. To this point, “the Yes Man” has been a one trick pony. By making the responsible decision and passing on this weekend, albeit several months after saying yes, it allowed for restored presence, clarity, and health in a time where work, school, the to do list, and the Holidays are all coming to a head. I recognized that the occasional space is critical to my well being.
Although this time it took me 3 fevers to finally say no, I think I’ve gotten the hang of it. With my newfound skill, I’m prepared to create more space. I just have to wait until after the next 50 events that I’ve already committed to.
How about you? As you enter this week, how will you create more space in your life? What will you thank yourself later for saying no to now?
The Janiec Reflection 