After spending a hot July with a pregnant wife, a teething toddler, and a stressed out America, I couldn’t help but notice a common thread between the three. We’re all going through some serious growing pains!
All month I witnessed signs of daily discomfort whether it was Jordan getting internally kicked in the small intestine by the baby’s growing leg, Charlie gnawing on the side of her crib as a new tooth poked through her gums, or Americans tearing each other apart on social media over political issues. But regardless of the cause or the extent of the pain, we all seemed to feel something.
You may have felt the discomfort as you worried about the health of our family and friends. You may have felt it as you worried about our job security or new working conditions. You may have felt it as you wondered what would happen with our upcoming school years, sports seasons, or weddings. You may have felt it as you tried to fit 29 hours of a “to do list” into just 24 hours in a day. You may have have felt it as you looked ahead at an election that will reveal our true values and you’re feeling nervous about the results. You may have felt it as this entire crisis continues to expose how broken and unequal some of our systems really are. You may just feel it because we miss our friends and normal life. I know I felt many of those things. Regardless of the cause, you might feel like a turning in your stomach that Jordan experiences in pregnancy, or the “life just punched me in the mouth” feeling that Charlie’s teeth are going through. Either way, it sucks.
As a side note, I just had to rewrite all this because my final draft didn’t save after I finished cleaning up my flooded basement. So if you’re stressed out and frustrated, just know you’re not alone.
However, this month I also saw a few examples of the GROWTH that’s possible when we help each other persist through the pain and find hope in our vision.
For instance, July allowed me to see a few examples of this critical strength play out. I watched Jordan power through the daily aches and pains in her third trimester of pregnancy. As the baby continues to grow and move and press on things that aren’t used to being pressed on, my future son or daughter literally takes Jordan’s breath away amidst a sore back, restless legs, and sleepless nights. But she’s toughing it out. Meanwhile, I spent the month watching Charlie battle through the teething stage. It’s difficult to see my little girl shove half of her hand in her mouth and cry, “Dada, hurt” or “teeeef, owww,” especially when the pain throws off her sleep, her appetite, or her overall mood, but she hung in there. During the first week of July, I watched Alexander Hamilton and the founding fathers fight a brutal war for their independence only to be faced with the challenge of building a new nation from scratch. And in the final week of July, I listened to stories about Congressman John Lewis’ putting his life and dignity on the line for civil rights. Beatings, arrests, and discrimination did not stop John Lewis from marching across that Selma bridge or from speaking up in Congress. Within these different examples, I did not envy their pain, but I certainly admired their strength.
Despite our personal strength, we shouldn’t have to fight these battles alone, and we definitely shouldn’t make it harder for each other than it already is. I see the energy we spend ripping each other apart these days when we could be collaborating to find mutually beneficial and growth oriented solutions. We should recognize how difficult it is to go through whatever we’re going through and give people a break rather than giving them a hard time. If we show a little compassion, we can be there for each other through the pain and lift each other towards our vision.
For instance, with the pain that Jordan’s going through, I can be there for a back rub at the end of a long day or simply do the heavy lifting with Charlie even if I’m tired from “shop-vacking” the flooded basement.With the pain that Charlie’s going through, I can be there for extra snuggles or by giving her something frozen to chew on. And with the pain that Alexander Hamilton, John Lewis, and all the leaders, soldiers, activists, immigrants, teachers, essential workers, thinkers, builders, doers, expecting mothers, and teething toddlers have gone through to get us where we are today, the least I can do is show gratitude and compassion for the things they fought for.
But even if we have the strength to persist through the pain and we feel supported from compassionate people, we won’t be able to grow unless there’s a hopeful vision of a brighter future that we’re working towards.
At this point, Jordan’s sick and tired of being sick and tired from the pregnancy, but she remains hopeful and confident that it’s all worth it in the end. She stays keenly aware that this grind and her sacrifices are just a necessary part of the process, and she never loses sight of the little baby that we’ll get to meet when all of the discomfort comes to fruition. So she presses on and the baby keeps growing. Charlie is so ready to be done with the teething stage, but we know that big smile that lights up the room will make this process all worth it. So Charlie presses on and her smile and cuteness keeps growing. Hamilton and his friends risked or lost their lives in the Revolutionary War, but they felt independence and their new nation would be worth it. So Hamilton pressed on and enabled America to begin growing. John Lewis had his head bashed in on Bloody Sunday during a peaceful protest, but he knew a more just and equal society would be worth it. So Congressman Lewis pressed on and allowed our freedom to keep growing. Hope for a brighter future allowed these strong individuals and bonded communities to transform pain into growth, and that is precisely what we need today.
So as I fight through my own growing pains to work towards a better tomorrow, I will take the lessons I learned this month from Jordan, Charlie, Hamilton, and Congressman Lewis. Because as John Lewis wrote in his final words, “Now it is your turn to let freedom ring. When historians pick up their pens to write the story of the 21st century, let them say that it was your generation who laid down the heavy burdens of hate at last and that peace finally triumphed over violence, aggression and war.”
This reflection was an attempt to pick up my “pen.” It certainly was painful to write, but I think I grew from it.
The Janiec Reflection 