June 2023: The 4 Fs – a prescription for living

When my father-in-law was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer, doctors told him that he only had a few months to live.

Yet here we are, 10 years later, and Pop is feeling more alive than ever!

This June, our family watched Pop give the keynote speech at Jefferson Hospital’s Cancer Survivor Day. Then days later, we celebrated with him as he finished the 70 mile “Bridge to the Beach” Bike Ride. On Father’s Day, he walked from the park to the ice cream shop with my daughter on his shoulders.

Although Pop is doing great now, his long battle hasn’t been easy. Just a few years after losing his wife to cancer, his own terminal diagnosis brought a roller coaster of complications and adversity.

Fortunately, medical miracles performed at various world class hospitals have helped him survive for a decade longer than doctors had estimated. But what’s even more powerful than the extent of the “bonus time,” is his approach to fully LIVE each extra day that he’s given. His prescription for living consists of a daily dose of his 4 Fs: FAITH, FAMILY, FRIENDS, and FITNESS.

The 4 Fs became clear as Pop prayed towards the beginning of his fight. In one of the prayers, he negotiated a deal with God that went something like: “…for each extra day you let me stick around, I’ll make you a promise. I will do whatever the doctors prescribe, and I’ll focus all of my remaining energy on the things that matter most in my life.

I’ll keep the FAITH. I’ll start and finish every day with prayer. Most of the time, I won’t be praying for you to fix the bad in my life. I’ll be simply thanking you for all the good in my life and asking for the strength to pay it forward to others. I’ll be the joyous, upbeat, grateful guy you made me to be. I’ll be that friendly neighbor who smiles and says “Hi” to every dog and person I walk by on the street. I’ll pass out hats and scarves to the homeless on Christmas Eve. I’ll bring life lessons and enthusiasm to the classroom as a substitute teacher, and I’ll share my story to connect with and inspire other families impacted by cancer.

I’ll prioritize time with FAMILY. I’ll be the biggest cheerleader for my kids and grandkids and pour my full heart into each new little grandbaby that you let me meet. I will send long winded, ALL CAPS words of encouragement with entirely too many emojis to the family group chat. I’ll give a toast at both of my daughters’ weddings. I’ll cut the turkey every Thanksgiving if you give me a seat at the table. I’ll rally 36 of my extended family members from 7 different states to the Outer Banks for the week of a lifetime. I promise to keep my wife’s legacy flourishing by staying positive and putting family first.

I will be there for my FRIENDS. In fact, I will treat guys like Jonesy, Bobby, Murph, and many others as if they’re my brothers. I’ll cherish every opportunity to go on a new adventure, get together for a ball game, or sit around and laugh about old stories. I’ll be there for their families – whatever they need. And I’ll never forget the friends that show up when I need them most.

I’ll commit to my FITNESS. I’ll find a way to grab a workout, take the dog for a run, or go for a swim no matter how I’m feeling. Heck- I’ll even start doing Zumba and Yoga. I’ll run the stairs instead of taking the elevator. I’ll ride my bike from the Ben Franklin Bridge to the Atlantic City Boardwalk (even when my son-in-law encourages me to find a shorter route). I’ll do what I can to take care of my body, so the doctors have more time to work their magic.

I’ll dedicate each day I’m here to those 4 Fs. What do you say, God? Want to give it a try?”

A decade after Pop prayed for that deal, both parties have held up their end of the bargain. God granted Pop a 10-year contract extension. In return, Pop kept the faith, led his family, showed up for his friends, and committed to his fitness. As God continues to renew Pop’s miracle, Pop uses the extra time to create even more memories, spread more love, and help more people.

And the way I see it – isn’t that kinda the point of life?

While I’m writing about the 4 Fs, I need to recognize a woman that might have embodied these pillars as much as anyone I’ve ever known.

A few weeks ago, Ghada Ayoub, my brother-in-law Pete’s mom, passed away after a battle with Leukemia.

Like Pop, she managed to extend her life much longer than any doctor would’ve imagined by always putting her mind over matter. And with each bonus day that she earned through the strength of her will to live, her commitment to faith, family, friends, and fitness never wavered. She persevered through the struggle and used the precious time she was given to create special memories, learn/teach important lessons, walk thousands of miles, and overfeed her family and friends with abundant love, food, and inspiration!

I always left her company with a big hug, an inflated ego, a full heart, a stuffed belly, and some extra zest for life. She lit up every room with love, kindness, and courage. I have no doubt her positive spirit will continue to shine through the people that she touched. I’m going to miss Ghada, but I’m so glad to know her, and grateful to have spent several “bonus days” with her.