July 2024: Friends in low places

It was 9:30 pm on a warm summer night in Margate, New Jersey.

I’m sitting on the front porch of the Buckley family beach house with some of my best friends in the world.

Not too many years ago, this crew would’ve been gearing up for a late night out on the town.  But nowadays, we look more like a support group for exhausted parents.  

We had spent the entire day feeding, serving, dressing, sun screening, reapplying, carrying, diapering, pack-muling, shuttling, chasing, refereeing, deescalating, reprimanding, encouraging, entertaining, protecting, enjoying, loving, and cleaning up after 10 kids under 6 years old.   And that was all before the most challenging endeavor of the day…bed time!

Once the sun began to set, we listened to a continuous loop of crying babies, toddler tantrums, and 3/4 year old boys wrestling and shouting “Booty Butt” at the top of their lungs. 

Like an Olympic relay team, we’d take turns marching up and down the stairs trying to get the kiddos to calm down and go to sleep.  We pulled out all the tricks:  Gentle parenting, harsh whispers, desperate bribes, roommate switch ups, and so much more.  When things finally began to settle down, we all knew the quiet would only last for so long…because best case scenario, the cacophony would inevitably resume at 6 am the following morning. 

But as we sat there on the porch debriefing our day and questioning our abilities as parents, I was glad about one thing.  I love that I’ve got friends in low places. 

and by low places, I mean this joyful, special, and stressful stage of life that we’re in right now.

I’ve got a bunch of friends right here in the trenches with me as we’ve transitioned into a chapter where the start time of our social events has changed from 9 pm to 9 am and bottle service has taken on a whole new meaning.

I’m so grateful to have these friends in the low places where babies are crawling, crumbs are accumulating, and little people are looking up at us as they take in the world around them.   

Growing up with these friends, we’ve seen each other at our best and our worst.  And today, we’re still growing up together- seeing each other (and our families) at our best and our worst. 

We have that common understanding that we only have 50% of each other’s attention in a conversation.  The other 50% is on ummmm making sure ummm…hold on for a sec…”woah, Jack, get out of there!”

We have a parenting short-hand and an unwritten pledge that we’ll try our best to raise civilized children, but we won’t hold it against each other when one of our kids inevitably acts out or puts their dirty hand in the chip bowl or fruit salad.  

It’s reassuring to know that when I’m exhausted, stressed, and in disarray, I can look over at my buddy and know they’re going through the same thing. 

When I’m changing Payson’s diaper and Charlie is running towards the ocean and Jack is getting attacked by seagulls – it’s great to have a few extra sets of hands playing zone defense.   

It’s an honor to be Uncle Kev to my friends’ kids and a privilege to have unofficial “Aunts & Uncles” for my own kids. 

I love that we learn from each other, we encourage each other, and continue to have a positive influence on each other’s life…even if that influence can gradually lead to more kids and more expensive home renovation ideas. 

Maybe most of all, I love that our kids will grow up knowing the importance of surrounding themselves with good friends- and the importance of being a good friend to others…just like I learned by watching my parents and Jordan learned from hers.   

And I hope one day in the future, our kids get to raise their kids alongside their own group of best friends.  Maybe some of those friends will be the ones who they were just jumping over waves with, or swimming in the pool, looking for seashells, fighting over beach toys, and wrestling at bedtime with. 

This stage of life is messy and tiring, and it would be really challenging to do alone.  I get by with a little help from my friends.  And I’m so grateful for every one of them. 

One last thing…years ago, we would often make fun of my friend, Katie, when she used to openly dream of the day in which we would all grow up and have big families and raise our kids together…well guess what, Katie? We here! 

So pop in the chicken nuggets, throw on an episode of Bluey, pour a few glasses of wine, and I’ll grab some beers.  Your dream is our reality.  Let’s cheers to that!