The Janiec Reflection

9: Finding solace

“There will come a day when [her] memory brings a smile to your face before it brings a tear to your eye.” In the book, Promise Me, Dad, Joe Biden uses these words to describe the solace that we eventually find after suffering painful loss.

It’s been 8 years since we lost Jordan’s mom. Although time doesn’t fully heal the pain, I’ve seen more and more sad tears become big smiles over the years. In fact, as Jordan grows into the wife, mom, and woman that she’s become, Mrs. Bonder feels more present to me than ever.

I’ve heard many stories about the host, friend, and mother that Mrs. Bonder was. I’ve heard all about her love for classic movies and Broadway shows, and the times that their living room would become a stage for a mom and her two young girls. I’ve also heard about the warm and inviting environment that she always created in her home. Unfortunately, the stories never fully do her justice. I’ve been told that you have to see it to believe it.

Well, I’m seeing it right before my eyes. I see it every time Jordan’s playing, giggling, and snuggling with Charlie. I saw it on Christmas Day when we hosted the first Holiday in our new home. I hear it when Jordan’s dancing around the house singing show tunes as if the Tony Awards are happening in the kitchen.

Jordan has picked up where her mom left off, creating the same environment and giving the same love that was created and given to her when she was growing up. Because of that, Mrs. Bonder’s presence brings a smile to Jordan’s face before her absence brings a tear to Jordan’s eyes. Through this, we find solace.

Charlie may not have gotten the chance to meet her Grandmom in person, but I’m so glad that she gets to feel her and benefit from her every day through Jordan and the rest of the Bonder family. That right there brings a smile…ok and yeah, maybe a tear…to my face.

Who is that person for you? Whomever it is, I hope thinking about them as you read this makes you smile, even if it makes you cry a little too. In this moment, I hope you can find some solace.

8: THON Weekend

Exactly 6 years ago, I was getting a calf massage on the floor of the Bryce Jordan Center after spending 39 hours on my feet. With 7 hours of sleep deprivation and cramps left ahead of me, I needed to find some extra motivation to keep going.

It was THON weekend 2013, and Jordan and I had been selected to “dance” in Penn State’s annual fundraiser for pediatric cancer. This honor meant we would spend the entire weekend standing “For the Kids.”

As my body fought every temptation to sit down, I remained motivated. I was fueled by the honor to dance, the friends and family by my side, the energy in the arena, and our yearlong fundraising efforts. I also found inspiration from those in my life who’ve been impacted by cancer, the THON kids, and the THON families going through these tragic circumstances. All of these things kept me on my feet through those final challenging hours.

However, what I didn’t know back when I was dancing was how it would feel one day to be a parent. As a student, I couldn’t yet fathom the intense combination of love and fear that would one day come along with being Charlie’s dad. I had no way of comprehending the time and energy that parenting would require on even the smoothest days, let alone how the slightest deviation to the routine could throw off everything. I didn’t yet appreciate the financial, career, and personal sacrifices that parents make under normal circumstances just to keep their children healthy and happy.

Therefore, I couldn’t begin to imagine the degree in which a sick child would flip everything upside down. Seeing it from this new angle, I have an even greater admiration for the moms and dads who muster the courage to battle these challenging circumstances on a daily basis. They’ve got to be some of the strongest people in the world.

Now, as I look back and watch THON 6 years later, with a kid of my own, I get a different feeling. I’m farther away from the event and the people participating in it, but what it represents hits closer to home than ever. I’ve never been prouder to be part of the tradition.

Cheers to all that danced (shout out to my boy, Jack Spinelli) and supported THON this year. We’ve raised another $10 Million, and continue to be part of something truly special. Always remember, “One day we will dance in celebration, until then we will continue to dance for a cure.”

7: My week with Charlie

Jordan’s big return to work this week included a 3 day Sales Conference in Orlando, which left Charlotte under the supervision of an under qualified caretaker. Me.

Although we traveled down to the resort together as a family, Jordan’s conference itinerary occupied her from early morning to late at night, which left me in charge of the parenting. After spending the past 3 months with “Mom” Brady on maternity leave, our little Charlie Bear was all but destined for a step down in quality.

However, in my new role as Dad, I had no other choice but to take on the challenge. If my goal is to eventually make it to the “Family Man Hall of Fame,” my parental leave provided me the opportunity to start my conquest, whether I was ready or not.

While I approached the week with nervous anticipation, I reminded myself of an important lesson: We’re rarely fully qualified to take on the important challenges that we face. That can’t hold us back from diving in and giving our best effort.

As a matter of fact, it’s often been the moments spent outside of my comfort zone that have provided the most growth and advancement towards my personal goals and aspirations. The only real way to be experienced is to get experience. Spending the week with Charlie was quite an experience.

So as I reflect on my performance this week:

Was I a masterful parent? Not even close.

Did I make a lot of mistakes? Yes, but don’t tell Mom.

Did Charlie survive and have lots of fun? She sure did.

Am I a much better Dad than I was last week? Absolutely.

Now, I’ll turn the challenge back to you. Ask yourself, What’s that next step that you want to take in your life or career that you’re not quite qualified for? What’s holding you back from giving it a shot and stepping out of your comfort zone?

I encourage you to take the leap, learn along the way, and see how much you grow. You probably won’t regret it. I know I don’t.

6: The Pond Hockey League

In the midst of winter, as most people dread bone chilling cold fronts, one group favors a forecast of 15 degrees: The Pond Hockey League (PHL).

The PHL is a West Chester, PA tradition dating back to the 60s. On the coldest days of the year, players of all ages and abilities battle it out on a backyard pond for bragging rights and beverages. Over the decades, the rosters may have evolved, but the culture and experience still remains the same.

As I come off the ice bruised and exhausted from another day of hockey, I reflect on the principles of culture and leadership that I’ve learned on the pond. You see, I’m lucky that this pond just happens to be in my backyard, so there’s no way to escape the impact that it’s had on me:

Preparation is critical: There are no Zambonis. In order to play hockey, we must clear the debris and snow ourselves. The cracks that form on the ice must be filled in and leveled out. The coolers must be stocked with beer and whiskey. None of the fun is possible without the dirty work before, during, and after all of the playing. The PHL taught me that it takes constant preparation to sustain an environment that people want to be a part of.

Prioritize what matters: Due to climate change, we often don’t know when and even if the pond will freeze again. So when the pond is frozen and the puck is dropped on a Saturday or Sunday, you’re expected to show up. The PHL taught me the importance of prioritizing what matters in a life full of competing interests and limited time.

Compete hard, but don’t take yourself too seriously: In pond hockey, success is measured in “heart.” It’s a competitive group, and playing hard is expected, but so is talking trash. I sometimes don’t know if my abs are sore from the hockey or all the laughter. The PHL taught me the importance of always competing hard, but keeping things fun.

Give more than you take: At the end of every PHL game, there is always a surplus of beers, sticks, pucks, jerseys, and gloves. There’s always more than enough stuff for everybody to have a great time. The PHL taught me that if you surround yourself with people that give more than they take, everyone benefits.

Develop the next generation: The Pond Hockey League has now spanned three generations. We’ve had skaters older than 75 and younger than 10 on the ice at the same time. The only price of admission is your commitment to the four principles above. I hope to one day have kids that play as well, and embody the same values that I learned from the league. The PHL taught me that if you want any tradition to stand the test of time, make sure to develop the next generation.

I could go on and on about the lessons and stories from the pond, but the first car just pulled in the driveway. I see they have skates and a case of Yuengling. It’s time to keep learning.

5. Navigating volatility

Right now, many of us have an emotional email waiting to be sent, a reactive trade ready to be placed, or an “I quit” proclamation that we’re prepared to make. We hope this reckless “reaction” will help us overcome the all-consuming stress and make the problem go away, but all too often this is exactly what throws us off track of what we’re actually trying to accomplish.

My goal with this reflection is to help us delete those email drafts, avoid placing those trades, and stay the course with a few sound principles that have helped me personally. Within the game of life and the financial markets, these phases of volatility are unpredictable, yet inevitable. In these times, we must remember that it is not the adversity that defines us, it’s how we respond to it.

Vanguard’s Chief Investment Officer, Greg Davis, recently wrote an article explaining three simple ways for investors to navigate these unsettling phases.

Maintain perspective
Don’t do anything rash
Check your allocation (Maintain a healthy balance)

When I read the article, it made me think less about the markets and more about recent conversations that I’ve had with friends and family going through their own personal bear market. I’ve witnessed Greg Davis’ principles differentiate whether those people thrive, survive, or “nose-dive” under these challenging circumstances. Here’s what I mean:

Maintain perspective: When adversity strikes, try to zoom out from the immediate challenge and look at the big picture. While it’s difficult to pause and look up, I try to take a deep breath and ask myself, “Where do I stand today? What am I trying to accomplish? What adjustments do I need to make to reach my destination? What additional help do I need?” Adversity can cause us to lose perspective by zooming in and focusing all of our attention on the problem of the day. Zooming out has helped me in these times to find a clearer picture of tomorrow.

Don’t do anything rash: Nothing rhymes with Janiec quite like “panic.” I admit that I’ve been known to panic amidst a full court press in basketball. I recognize that I often make my worst moves under these challenging circumstances. Nevertheless, our responses in the heat of the moment may critically shape our future outcomes. Before I react, I take another deep breath and ask myself, “Why didn’t I choose to take this action while things were better and my mind was clearer? Will I be proud of this decision a year from now?” I sometimes find that the best action is temporarily not taking any action at all.

Maintain a healthy balance: Investors best handle these periods of volatility by rebalancing and sticking to their target allocation. This allows us to sustain exposure to what we need, while not unnecessarily risking what we already have. During periods of adversity, I take stock of what is most important. I try to rebalance during these times to ensure that my personal health, family, friendships and career remain stable despite the overweight of challenges that I might face in any particular area. Neglecting three domains to try and fix one only creates more problems.

So as you invest, or play the game of life, how do you navigate periods of volatility? Do you follow these principles? Try them out before you send that emotional email or place that next trade. Let me know how they work. I’m confident it will get better soon.

4. Remembering MLK and Bogle

Today, I’m reflecting on the life and legacy of two American heroes, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and John C Bogle. Both of these heroes entered the world in 1929 and both have since passed away, but today their impact is more alive than ever!

Both Dr. King and Mr. Bogle introduced radical “dreams” to the world that many people initially resisted. They didn’t let it stop them. Instead, the resistance only fueled them to dedicate their lives to serving the under-served, making the inaccessible accessible, and giving everyone a fair shake. Both avoided the easier path because doing the right thing was more important.

Dr. King and Mr. Bogle mirrored their philosophies for civil rights and investing. Both believed in the benefitsof diversification. Both preached maintaining a long-term perspective and staying the course during volatile times. Both enthusiastically challenged the status quo, while remaining optimistic about the future.

Dr. King and Mr. Bogle were relentless on fulfilling their life mission. Both wrote, both preached, both built systems, and both invited the world to join in their vision. Both worked hard until their final day. Nevertheless, they both valued relationships with their families, friends, and communities above any personal fame or success. More than anything, both left the world better than when they found it.

Dr. King and Mr. Bogle were different in many ways, but the most important things were the same. We can all learn a lot from them, do our best to honor their “dreams,” and pick up where they left off. They had a profound impact on my life, and I’m grateful for everything they’ve done to pave the way for myself and others.

May they both rest peacefully knowingthat the world keeps getting better every day through their legacy.

Happy MLK Day,

Kevin

3: Lessons from the Foles era

Last night’s loss stings, and the last thing anyone wants to hear this morning is, “What can we learn from it?” However, it’s time to reflect.

This Eagles team has me feeling more pride and gratitude than frustration and disappointment. Regardless of what happens next with Nick Foles, he left Eagles fans with important leadership lessons that we can strive to embody in our own lives. We learned the following lessons as we witnessed Saint Nick’s performance on the field, his class off the field, and his personal narrative in the autobiography, Believe it.

Embrace your role: When the Eagles needed Foles to be their starting QB, he commanded the huddle, he delivered an MVP performance, and he embraced the pressure of the spotlight.

When the Eagles needed Foles to back up Carson Wentz, he fully embraced the role as Wentz’ biggest supporter. Foles recognized how his roles served as pieces to the bigger puzzle. His mission was to honor his faith, embrace his role, and do whatever his team needed to win games and championships. He served his mission well.

It’s very difficult for us to not get caught up in the questions, “What’s next for me,” “Am I getting what I deserve,” or “Why is that person getting more than me?”

Nevertheless, it’s generally when we focus on maximizing the role that we’re in, when opportunities find us.

The power of belief: This Eagles team, during both the improbable Super Bowl run and this year’s improbable playoff run believed in each other when many others didn’t (myself included).

You could sense the joy, the trust, the love, the unity, and the fearlessness that these Eagles played with when Foles was on that field. Everyone on the team, whether it was stars like Ertz, Jenkins, Jeffery, and Cox, previously written off players like Agholor, Clement, and Matthews, and no-namers like Leblanc and Sullivan, rose to their maximum potential because of the trust that teammates had in them.

I’ve struggled to express belief as a leader at times, and it stifled the environment. The Eagles have taught me the importance of believing in your team even and especially when there seems to be an uphill battle and things aren’t going your way. Belief is contagious. When the fear of failure becomes replaced with a feeling of belonging and an expectation of victory, it’s a powerful tide that lifts all boats. Nick Foles showed us that.

Things don’t always work out: Even if you master these two leadership lessons, things don’t always work out. The ball sometimes slips through our hands and bounces the wrong way. Failure is ok.

Keep believing in each other and embrace your role and the opportunities will be back.

It’s been a privilege to celebrate this team over the past two years, and I’m excited to see what’s next, with or without Saint Nick on the field. The culture and leadership lessons that he’ll leave here are powerful enough. Fly Eagles Fly.

2: New year, new horizons

In the book Getting Things Done, author and renowned productivity consultant, David Allen, shares his framework on the “Horizons of Focus.” Allen’s “Horizons of Focus” visioning framework essentially provides personal direction on how to spend our time and what specifically to work on next to be most productive towards the things that matter.

The framework begins by defining your purpose and then determining how you will fulfill that purpose via your most important objectives in the next 5 years. In order to achieve those big picture objectives, you set annual SMART goals, which are worked towards through smaller projects that are governed by the appropriate daily structure, intentions, and system that you follow. Rinse and repeat. This approach resonates with me, and I’m trying it out this year as I set the following 2019 goals below.

Alright, time for some true accountability. I’m sharing my horizons with you not only to share a useful goal setting and visioning technique that I hope you enjoy, but also to hold myself accountable by throwing my goals out there in a public forum. You’ll see that this vision isn’t anything wildly aspirational. I’m not planning on running Iron Man races, solving hunger, or starting a business, I just hope to simply focus on improving parts of my every day life that bring me the most joy and purpose.

Check out my example and give your own horizons a try as you begin your resolutions, goals, and intentions for the year. Let me know what you come up with!

My Horizons:

Horizon 5 (THE WHY): Define your purpose

Inspire, connect, and engage the people in my life.

Horizon 4 (THE WHAT): Establish big picture objectives (Next 5 years)

Family: Build our family

Friends: Be there for important milestones and events.

Career: Take the next steps on a career path of wealth management and financial planning.

Home: Be a fun and welcoming place to host.

Self-development (Intellectual): Begin writing a book.

Self-development (Physical): Become consistently decent in tennis and golf.

Horizon 3: 2019 SMART goals

Family: Host Charlie’s first birthday party:
1. I know. It’s a slightly ridiculous and obvious goal, but it is one of the few measurable goals I could think of for parenting. Also, the idea of making it through the first year of parenting with a happy marriage, a presentable house, and enough energy and enthusiasm to host a party is a success in my book. My eye will be on the prize during those sleepless nights.
Friends: Celebrate 7+ weddings:
1. With a busy year this year, my normal social life will be limited. However, I will strive to give everything I have to at least the weddings that we have and that I’m a groomsman in this year.
Career: Get promoted within Advice at Vanguard:
1. With my passion for Financial Advice and Vanguard’s momentum in that space, there may be opportunities to take the next step and make a bigger impact in a new role by the end of the year.
Self-development (Intellectual): Publish a blog:
1. Thanks again for reading!
Self-development (Physical): Play in Dad’s tennis rotation 5 times:
1. My Dad plays doubles with a good group of tennis players. I need to shake off the rust and be good enough to compete with them, and subsequently earn my invitations back out with the group a few additional times.

Horizon 2 (THE HOW): Projects to achieve goals:

Charlie: Commit to daily family quality time, work towards development milestones
Weddings: Plan ahead for events, stay engaged as groomsman
Promotion: Pass CFP exam, Resume MBA program, explore roles, build financial planning expertise
Blog: Write weekly reflections
Tennis: Play at least once/week beginning in April

Horizon 1: Daily Routines, systems, intentions:

Although the system itself is too detailed to share, my intentions in creating that system are the following: be clear about what I’m committed to and equally clear about what I’m not committed to. Establish routine and execute with discipline. Plan ahead and carve out time to focus on the most important things. Have the courage and grit to do the things that I say I’m going to do.

1: Reflecting in 2019

I am grateful for the past two years of my life. I realize how lucky I’ve been to marry Jordan, buy our dream home, have a beautiful and healthy baby girl, find passion in financial planning and leadership, travel, and celebrate the entire journey alongside the best family and friends. I also recognize how challenging it will be to top it all in 2019. Nevertheless, I’m feeling optimistic that we can keep the good times rolling this year.

The way I see it, the only thing better than having a wedding is enjoying the marriage that comes with it. The only thing better than buying our dream home is the life that we get to live inside of it. The only thing better than having a baby is raising a daughter. I’m privileged to have these opportunities in 2019. I’m aware that my luck can turn at any moment, but I can’t let that mitigate my excitement for what’s to come.

So why am I writing this?

I’m writing this as part of a weekly reflection series in 2019 with the intention to capture memories, share lessons, practice writing, and deepen connections. I see it as a channel for fulfilling my personal mission to inspire, connect, and entertain the people in my life.

These reflections will generally focus on life lessons and leadership, and will be inspired weekly by current events, books, podcasts, and unique experiences. The link to this site will be shared via my social media accounts. My hope is that the reflections are as useful and enjoyable for you as they are for me. This post will hopefully be the first of 50.

Thank you for reading and feel free to reach out with your thoughts. Have a great week and a happy New Year!

-Kevin