October 2020: Mama raised us better

As we approach Election Day, I’ve been thinking a lot about the lessons I’ve learned from my mom. I’ve taken stock of the principles that she instilled in me. I’ve reflected on the values that she taught me to look for in a spouse, a friend, and a leader. So as I filled out my ballot this week with these important values in mind, the decision was clear and easy. My mama raised me too right to choose the wrong guy.

Throughout my childhood, Diane Janiec was the Commander-in-Chief (Dad was VP) of our household. Mom is sweet, bubbly, and fun, but she also knew how to keep my sisters and I on the right track through her own unique version of “law and order.”  She was always actively involved in our sports, but focused more on our sportsmanship, effort, and teamwork rather than worrying about wins.  She was engaged in our education but focused more on what we were learning and how we treated our classmates and teachers rather than what our report card said at the end of the semester.  She was always the biggest fan at our plays, speaking contests, and talent shows, preparing us to make the most of our “moment in the spotlight” whether we were casted as the lead or an extra.  She listened with empathy whenever we came to her with a problem, but also held us accountable to finding our own solution.  She showed us the importance of surrounding ourselves with good people. She taught us that we couldn’t control everything that happened, but we could always control how we responded.  Through unconditional love, important conversations, and many creative lessons, Mom (& Dad) instilled the core values in me that I live by today.

I remember in 6th grade, my Mom asked if I had a girlfriend.  When I said “No,” she didn’t need a polygraph test to know I was lying.  She could sniff out a fib from a mile away.  But rather than grounding me, Mom had something else up her sleeve.  As soon as I walked in the door from middle school, she sat me down at the kitchen table, prosecuted her case, handed me a pen and said, “Start writing.”  My punishment was to write a 1000-word essay titled, “Why you shouldn’t lie to your mother!”  Mom did whatever she could to turn teachable moments into life lessons. She knew letting little lies go could lead to big problems down the road, so she always stressed the importance of integrity.  Looking back, I can picture her giggling with my Dad and her friends about this creative little punishment.  I’ll never know where she came up with these ideas, but I do know my Mama raised me to be honest.

I remember running errands with my Mom when I was a little boy.  I have vivid memories of being bored to tears in a shopping cart or a stroller for what felt like hours as she stopped, smiled, and chatted with nearly everyone we saw.  When a simple, “What aisle is the laundry detergent?” often turned into a vibrant conversation about life, I started to take notice of what she was doing.  Whether she knew all these people in the grocery store, or just wanted to brighten a stranger’s day, she put kindness over convenience no matter where we went.  The same was expected of us towards our classmates and teammates – to make sure that everyone felt include.  She’d tell us to get to know our classmates that weren’t part of our inner circle or invite those to our birthday party if they were often left out.  Mom encouraged us to become friends with kids from different races, ethnicities, and backgrounds. She showed us how to find common ground while celebrating differences. Mom reminded us to always be compassionate and empathetic because we never know what kind of day somebody might be having.  She taught me that people rarely remember what we do, but they often remember how we make them feel.  I remember how much I dreaded those trips to the grocery store, but I realize how much I appreciate those lessons today.  My mama raised me to be kind.  

I remember during my Freshman year of high school, I got “Detention” for my antics in Spanish class. Mom wasn’t ok with me disrespecting the teacher, and she escorted me into detention to make sure I sincerely apologized. After my apology was accepted by “Seňora,” Mom noticed a star senior linebacker that had detention along with me. He was sitting there awestruck by what he had just witnessed. When Mom turned to the senior and encouraged him to apologize for his actions too, I was mortified and thought for sure I was going to get beat up by the big guy after she left that morning… I was wrong. The Linebacker just turned to me with a beaming smile, and said, “Damn, Janiec! I got mad respect for your Mom.” The Linebacker was right, my Mom knew in order to earn respect you need to show respect. She required that I respect the rules of coaches, refs, teachers, and friends’ parents. She taught me to spend some time talking with the adults before running off with the other kids. When I was a cocky teenager, Mom reminded me that I might mean the world to her, but the world certainly didn’t revolve around me. She helped me become as considerate of others as I was of myself. She helped us understand how much we learn and grow when we listen to and respect someone else’s perspective even if it might be different from our own. My mama raised me to be respectful.

I am forever grateful that I have Diane Janiec as a guiding force in my life. But with that said, I know that she wasn’t the only parent or role model teaching these values.  I hope these stories and these lessons got you thinking about the way your mother or another role model instilled the values you live by today.  I’m sure we can all agree on both the importance of these principles and the importance of having leaders that continue to reinforce them. 

So as you fill out your ballot over the next two weeks, I hope you consider the way you were raised. We’ve relied on these values to choose our significant others, our friends, and our leaders.  Why should this election be any different?

After all, our mamas raised us too honest to be lied to. They raised us too kind to be indecent. They raised us too responsible to be reckless. And they raised us with too much respect to be divided. So when we see a leader act completely contrary to the basic principles that we cherish, we should remember that our Mamas raised us better than that.

Nevertheless, regardless of how you vote or how this election turns out, I promise to be honest with you, respectful of you, and kind to you. Because that’s the kind of American my mama raised me to be.