January 2023: Switching to a zone

When the ultrasound confirmed that our 3rd baby was progressing right on schedule, Jordan and I took a sigh of relief and a moment to celebrate. We hugged and thought about how blessed we’ve been and how excited we are for this next chapter. But as we pulled away from our joyous embrace, my mind wandered off to acknowledge a new reality:

We’re about to be outnumbered.

Since Jack was born, Jordo and I have successfully managed the 1:1 parent/child ratio. I mean if you dropped by unexpectedly at 6:30 pm on a Wednesday or 4 pm on a Sunday, you might find a messy house or witness the occasional meltdown..(by either a kid or a parent)…but so far, I think it’s safe to say that we survived all the trick plays they threw our way.

With a new addition to our family this summer, our 1:1 approach won’t be sufficient, so it is probably time for Jordo and I to switch our “Man to Man” defense to a “Zone.” I tried pleading with the refs that there were too many players on the court already, but life said “Play on!”

In a zone defense, each defender covers an area of the court instead of a specific player.  Successful zones require active hands to defend the ball and protect the passing lanes. It requires constant communication to stay cohesive as a defensive unit as the offense attacks from different angles.  Good zone defenses always know who they’re up against, so they can adjust accordingly to the unique skillsets of the other team.

I realized that the principles of success in a zone defense are the same as the keys to survival for parents. 

Principle 1: Active Hands

When Jordo and I are fully present and feeling energized with our eyes up, hands at the ready, and feet moving, we’re on our A-game. When we’re checking our phones, feeling drained from the night before, or distracted by something else, we drop our hands and stop moving our feet.

That’s right about the moment when Jack starts drawing on the walls with marker or Charlie tries to cut up a cucumber or Facetime a stranger. Then, we’re scrambling, out of position, and we start pointing fingers and experiencing breakdowns in our team defense.

Active hands is about changing that extra diaper, staying present during playtime, getting up in the middle of the night to take care of the crying baby, doing the dishes/folding the laundry basket, keeping the baby gates closed, and proactively doing all the little things that make a big difference.

I’ll admit that I drop my hands from time to time. It’s not easy amidst the grind of “the game of life.” I also have a bad habit of noticing and getting frustrated when Jordo drops hers too. We’re working on active hands every day in practice leading up to our new baby…because we’re gonna need ‘em up this summer and the next 18 summers after this. I think we’ll be ready.

Principle 2: Constant communication

Rather than calling out a “pick” or alerting teammates that the opponent is flashing to the “high post,” we need to be clear and consistent with our own parenting commands:

“Hey, I’m cleaning the baby’s blow out. Can you help Charlie pour her milk in the cereal bowl?”

“Jack just ran outside and is riding his bike without a coat. I’m gonna go get him. Can you take over with the baby? Charlie is coloring at the kitchen table.”

Communication isn’t just calling out observations and movements in the moment. It’s also about admitting when we need a little “weak side help.” And we can’t forget to call out the great work our teammate is doing and express our gratitude for each other during every time out.

3 kids will be loud and fast moving. The more things move, the harder it is to communicate. I tend to mumble or go silent when I’m overwhelmed and frustrated, and Jordo has a different communication style in stressful environments (that I’ll let her share in her own forum), so we’ll be practicing “Communication” this entire preseason. Wish us luck!

Principle 3: Know who you’re up against

Just like how you need to locate the shooter or cutter in a Zone defense, we need to have a clear understanding of who we’re up against as parents. 

We’ve got a sensitive one, a whacko one, one that loves sleep, one that finds excuses to get out of bed, one that craves attention, and one that needs space. Despite these identities constantly evolving and sometimes even flip flopping, we’ve developed a pretty good scouting report on Charlie and Jack over the years.  I love doing the homework and learning the very intricacies of the people we’re up against. In a few months, we’re going to meet a new player that will test our strategy with his/her own set of challenges, and we can’t wait to see who Charlie and Jack bring home in their newest draft class.

As we transition our “Man to Man” defense as a family of 4 to a Zone defense as a family of 5, we’re preparing in practice every day to get better at these guiding principles.  I think we’ll be ready to take on this beautiful challenge that awaits us…

But if we aren’t ready… keep your phone on…we may be calling for an occasional sub!